1. i felt it one morning when i awoke but couldn’t move.
my tongue slack jawed my saliva was the consistency of day old yellow curry my leg slack jawed
the way working two jobs and not sleeping enough makes
the world strange, a bizarre patchwork a cousin twice removed that wants to talk
about your sex life but your sex life hasn’t been that great lately because
even when you do find a biocock to suck on
or a dildo to suck on
or a cigarette to suck on
it has that hallucination cascade kind of vibe, everything piling up and disintegrating into millions of pixels scattered
across the audiovisual sphere, too real and not real enough unbearably close and surrounded by a thick, viscous
layer of smog, a million moments compressed into the plastic flesh of another’s touch
and so you change the subject to something more comfortably familial maybe american football the band apple pies
bill o’reilly the poison in the atmosphere the atmosphere in our lungs the lungs in our poison the poison in that is
our skin just to bide some time or distance maybe between yourself and the unbearable shapes your desire travels
maybe if we call it the impasse it will become more bearable.
maybe if we think abstraction as a life-sustaining fantasy of distance and control, a way of structuring our attach-
ment to a world that damages our sense of well-being, it will become more bearable.
maybe if we recognize the desire to name this thing that’s happening as just another strategy for coping with our
powerlessness, a narcissistic defense mechanism against the encroaching poisonous atmosphere the poison in that is
our skin, it will become more bearable.
or perhaps it is this unbearableness that we shouldn’t manage or cope with or figure out how to get along with,
considering, because that sounds like some reactionary hyper privileged bullshit pseudo-radical way of justifying
the relative comforts some of us have at the expense of the rest of us and so perhaps we don’t need ways to cope
we need strategies and practices to re-make the body this body this regional global local international body i don’t
need to figure out how to deal i need to figure out how to reconfigure the way the poison in the atmosphere the
atmosphere in our lungs the lungs in our poison the poison in that is our skin connect and add up to something.
i tried to get out of bed but the hallucination cascade kind of vibe rolled through at 165 BPM dj rashad’s rapid bass
kicks soft enveloping and crushing featherlight my teeth grinding against my skin.
the tooth fairy doesn’t take your teeth. it takes the powder your teeth are reduced to and replaces it with 2c-b and
angel dust. remember this the next time you want to get high: all you have to do is rip out the bones inside your
2. i felt it one evening when i ate two mystery amphetamine crystals and went walking. the crystals were the size of
george washington’s dick-nose on the dollar coin. i crushed them quickly and quietly between the cavity tooth and
the canine tooth and the cloud-tooth ache i can’t quite localize on account of a lingering feeling that i’m already
fucked its too late to go the dentist and waited
nothing happened. this seemed normal.
i knew a crowd was assembling because a crowd was assembling the past several days in a row was assembling the
past several years has been in the perpetual process of assembling for longer than anyone living can remember. i
walked downtown with my toothache mystery crystals bubblegum-pink lip stain and skateshoes. i had wanted to
wear boots but the boots have heels and i made a tactical decision to increase my capacity to scatter at the expense
of looking hot to any genderfuck bitches cruising. i was in heat we were in heat: if you wanted to cock-suck the
world and terraform its phallic roots into compostable redistributable digital mash you too would probably opt for
skate-bro shoes, given the circumstances. you can’t get fucked right away if you have shit to do.
3. an etude is a piece of music designed for practicing.
it’s bodytechnics: submit yourself to a repetitive disciplining protocol to re-organize your autonomic system. in-
scribe through habit a way of moving or organizing movement. train the fasciae,
those sinewy connective pathways that hold the memory of our moving and our ways of moving and our non-
movement the slow burn of this body wearing down all slack jawed oil-slick putty.
a listening etude is designed to undiscipline the ear.
to hear is to hear difference. this point is unrelated.
bodytechnics to untangle the corrugated wires and electrochemical circuits of stereo cilia from their neurotic focus
on signifying content.
let the noisy background behind the meaningful foreground spring into view.
a lip lets lift an elliptical sigh orbits around a telephone pole edges frayed from years of wind-sighs the heavy weight
of a breath’s a weather pattern’s earth-mourning electricity my own breath mourning electricity mixes with a
feather-thud footstep as i re-adjust the microphone-headphone-recorder-connector situation.
here’s a listening etude:
find a crowd that is assembling
this can be difficult because if you wait until there is a crowd already assembled you have arrived too late.
there is always the danger of assuming you already know who or what the crowd assembling is.
this is a fundamental error and should be avoided at all costs.
pay attention to the way infrastructure shapes direction, reverberation, amplitude, density and texture.
four hundred feet well actually lots of folks have two feet some of us were in wheelchairs or cars so more like seven
hundred or so i am horrible at counting feet underneath the 880 overpass is cavernous and open-ended we echoed
indefinitely the highway built to ship us from work to home to work to work again still work amplifying the sound
of our halting unquantized cadence the waves of differentially distributed pressure multiplied into a chaotic
a weird atonal sonic brick,
and we kept walking.
and the rising waveforms dissipated into something else, a birdsong or pig-car alarm.
listen for the smallest differences possible to perceive
to undiscipline the ear is to begin with the premise that we do not yet know what is possible in urban soundscapes.
to undiscipline the ear is to begin with the premise that the ear is not my own this body is not my own this con-
strictive nameless weight is not my own is unevenly distributed by pigs with guns n smoke grenades n an unspoken
well sometimes spoken agenda to crush black n brown bodies and all sorts of other penis toys and so i go to find
out what other people walking together call this weight in the hopes that i might hear something my ear cannot
to undiscipline the ear is a practice of learning how to live together differently is a practice of training the ear to